You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
