she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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