Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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