Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
