do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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