He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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