oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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