the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
