I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
