Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
