I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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