Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
