And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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