I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
