Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
