we made out on top of his cat.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
