i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
