nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
