ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
