If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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