hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
