just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
