No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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