I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
