hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
