shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just cropdusted the office
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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