thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
