I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
