i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
