dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
