like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
