why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
