NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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