I want to have your abortion
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
