question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
time to smoke my breakfast
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
