i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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