I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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