Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
