I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
