so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
what is it with giant penises always finding me
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I came so hard my ears popped.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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