am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
