drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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