I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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