wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
