so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Randomize
