do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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