i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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