You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
