im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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