ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
